Current Events Blended Almost Smooth

So… this…

Is just about the coolest thing of all time. Finally! All of my nerdy dreams are coming true! They have a laser that can shoot down a missile, next thing you know this technology is going to be mounted on an Ds-1 Orbital Battle Station, pointed directly at the peaceful planet of Alderaan. So let’s do our best to keep this technology out of the hands of the Empire- I mean Iran.

So, apparently, Obama doesn’t do his own tweeting. I have to say, I feel betrayed, all this time I’ve been following him, thinking I had a special connection to the president. LIES. Although, I suppose I should have known, I thought it was a little suspicious that he kept tweeting quotes from the State of the Union Address while he was giving it.

Anyways, apparently he’s looking for a new tweeter, and I’d like to make this my formal application for the job. I’ve even included a few samples of possible tweets from the president:

BarackObama OMG lyk srsly letz git #healthcarereform trending. RT plz.

BarackObama Got spammed by some trolls/fiscal conservatives. You guys need to back off with the hate.

BarackObama Oh NOEZ! teh nashunal debt iz up 2 $12.3 tril. #gotsomesplainintodo.

I guess he also has an entire new media department. Really? You mean people are getting paid to go on Facebook? And not just one person, no, it takes an entire department full of people to maintain the president’s Facebook account. I think I’m headed down the wrong career path.

Lastly, this story piqued my interest for two reasons. Firstly, I was fascinated to learn they have these things called “payphones” that are apparently just like cell phones that are attached to a booth-like device, sitting around randomly on sidewalks and stuff, that you have to pay to use. Who knew?

But what was really interesting was the scenario I imagine this poor reporter had to go through to get this story. Basically, I imagine he stood on a sidewalk, outside a courthouse, in Queens for 36 hours. He probably went home occasionally, but in the scenario in my mind, I like to imagine that he stayed there the full day and a half, nonstop. So, he’s waiting for someone to use this payphone, which I imagine didn’t happen a whole lot because it’s a payphone and it’s 2010, but then, after someone used the payphone, this reporter had to walk up and try to interview them about the reasons and situations surrounding their payphone usage. As much fun as that sounds, I think I’ll stick with being Obama’s personal tweeter, thanks.